Brief Preview of the Rest of the NBA Playoffs, part 4

OK, so, I was completely wrong about the NBA semifinals; if you don't count the number of games in each series. My analysis and assumptions about the two losers really could not have been less accurate. My girlfriend could have, without injecting any thought, been more on the ball. As Taylor pointed out, I Simmons'd my picks, to the Nth degree.

"Keith Van Horn is going to emerge as the STAR of STARS! NETS IN SIX!!!!!!!" -Chucky Barkley. Yip, that's how bad I was.

Therefore, I was a chicken sh!t and waited until after game 1 to ruin my predictions. Sorry Laker fans, but I'm picking the purple and gold. Never in my life have I seen a Laker team physically impose themselves on someone, Shaq aside. Boston got straight up jacked, befitting the area near Staples Center. Kobe took their rings, he took their rolex; they glanced at the rapist and said "damn, what's next?" If the Celts are going to bounce back and Paul Pierce is going to not get embarrassed in his old stomping grounds, Nate Dogg and Warren G are gonna indeed have to regulate.

Rondo looked frustrated, Pierce is getting distracted by Artest, Allen is really gonna have to get going and stop committing stupid fouls early in the game, Garnett's gonna have to get Bud Kilmer in the locker room to stick his knee, and between Big Baby, Sheed, and Kendrick Perkins, someone's gonna have to start a fight. (considering Perkins is a T away from being suspended and Big Baby lives up to his name on the daily, safe money's on Sheed, who hates humanity.) That, or they'll need to send Brian Scalabrine out there to make an ass of himself and commit 6 quick, hard fouls on Pau.

They always say the only way to beat a bully is to smack him right in the face right away to make him doubt himself and shake his confidence. Well, the big Russian is cut. Boston might not have expected LA to play with balls, but now they've seen it. The Celts may well make adjustments and come out swinging Sunday evening, and Lord knows they'll have to, but unless Ray Allen ABUSES Derek Fisher all game long, forcing Kobe to guard him and get tuckered out chasing screens, Boston is going down 0-2 heading home. That will be too much of a hole in a series where LA has the superior front 6, and by far the superior #1.

I'm picking LA, and I was going to initially anyway, but let's just make it official. I, Chris Fender, after pulling a Ken Griffey Jr. on the semis, am picking the Lakers in 5. Take that, Laker fans.