Of Whom Does Bob Costas Have Naked Pictures?

I opted to err on the side of caution with my title and not end it with a preposition, as our administrator has full editorial privileges.

But like I was saying, how the holy hell is Bob Costas on every God-forsaken thing NBC does? Listen, I know times are tight, and NBC went into the Winter Olympics roughly $35 million lighter in the pocket thanks to some rather asinine late night TV decisions, but come ON. DOES BOB COSTAS HAVE TO RUB HIS STINK ON EVERYTHING?! For the last two decades, that little chicken hawk has lorded over absolutely everything NBC Sports has done, from the NBA, to the Icecapades. About the only thing he hasn't defiled is that baffling contract NBC has with Notre Dame. (thank Touchdown Jesus for that.) During this olympiad, he even managed to make a Colbert interview fall flat. At that point you're just trying to suck.

Bob Costas is that breed of television "journalist" who's never understood that less is more, and that if you don't have anything endearing or worthwhile to add to an image that the vast majority of television viewers can already SEE (apologies blind people who are somehow reading this), then you should shut your dwarf yapper and let the scene play out. Hey, here's an idea Bob, why not interrupt the 8 hour delayed coverage of the Men's Downhill Flugelhorn to talk about how your hairpiece has magically turned the color of the beer bottle I just emptied? Even though you're 60?

Listen, the Winter Olympics are interesting only to a small minority of the world's nations. And in one of those nations, the US, it's honestly important only to a small percentage of the population. Oh yes, of course, we'll all watch every now and then, because it's on, and we only have to hear about the Nordic Combined once every four years, but really, it is the red-headed step-sibling to the Summer Games. Let's be real. And people in their $5 million 600 square foot condos in Aspen can boo-hiss all they want, but it's true.

So now comes Bobby Costas trying to forcibly inject what is by all accounts just NBC's desperate wish to fill a four-year gap until the Summer Games with schmultzy, irrelevant, fake, canned drivel. If NOTHING else, please, please, just let viewers marvel at the scenery, dude. That's the ONE thing the Winter Games have, is the chance to watch a lot of these events outside, in the elements, on HD. You'd deprive us even of that? Just so you can dominate airspace? His segments take "hokey" to new astronomical heights. His attempts to sound informed and informative ring completely hollow and essentially waste an unfamiliar viewer's time.

And the WORST OF ALL was NBC forcing the venerable Al Michaels to not only have to cover the Closing Ceremonies, but to do it with Bob Costas. The best thing going on NBC Sports, Mr. "Do You Believe in Miracles?!" was stuck in a booth with Rumplestiltskin while Canada embarrassed itself on a worldwide stage with what looked like someone trying to make fun of Canada. (I give Michael J. Fox his due. The guy is a trooper, and is not letting Parkinson's win without a fight.) Really kids? Giant inflatable moose, beavers, and mounties? In the words of Niedermeier, "you're a god-damned disgrace!!!" It seriously looked like Trey Parker and Matt Stone had a hand in all that, and I would have been convinced if William Shatner came out with a frightening flappy head and beady eyes.

Ultimately, the best show of the Olympic Games was of course the Mens' hockey tournament, and the gold medal showdown between the US and Canada. It made for great television, and mercifully, Costas was only remotely involved. Bummer to see Crosby go bottom shelf on Ryan Miller, who made me like goalies even more, but if the canucks hadn't won the game, we might have had this on our hands...

So Bob, I'm not saying you have to quit and go live on a mountain by yourself and stop bothering people. I don't have that kind of power. But could you just maybe pick something obscure and go with that? NBC has enough problems. As do I. And in two years, there will be Olympic games I actually care about. Don't take them from me. I'm begging you. There? Ok? Are you happy? STOP TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME! AND WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?!